


iwa-chan you heathen

by bodtlings



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Lush, M/M, and oikawa is a hoarder, bath bombs, bc iwachan is a heathen, but can u blame him rlly, lush au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 19:00:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7118614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bodtlings/pseuds/bodtlings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oikawa loves Lush and Iwaizumi has absolutely no idea how it works or what a bath bomb is. He saw a YouTube video once.</p>
            </blockquote>





	iwa-chan you heathen

**Author's Note:**

> bu and cata are such good instigators thank u for this idea.

“Why the fuck does it smell like someone just cannon-blasted three dozen roses in here?”

Iwaizumi has a lot of patience, really, he does. He looks deep inside himself (very, very deep inside) and finds whatever scrap of patience is left in his supply for the day that allows him to deal with a certain boyfriend. Some days are easier than others, but on a day when Iwaizumi just wants to come home and relax with some dinner and shitty TV, that patience is wearing extremely thin, if at all existent.

Said boyfriend is currently beaming and surrounded by various balls of....some substances Iwaizumi has no knowledge of. “That’s because it was me.”

“Why am I not surprised.” Iwaizumi steps into their apartment, toeing off his sneakers and dropping his backpack next to the door. After walking over and kissing Oikawa on the cheek hello, further inspection of the substances bombarding his senses makes Iwaizumi's nose wrinkle. “What exactly are these things and _why_ do you have so many?”

“They’re _bath bombs,_ Iwa-chan. Lush’s best creation to ever exist.”

“What’s a Lush?”

An absolute horrified gasp comes from Oikawa paired with wide eyes and an offended hand to his chest. “We’ve been dating for _how long_ and you’ve managed to _still_ not know what Lush is? Impossible.”

“So anyway, today at work, Matsukawa -”

“Bath bombs are God’s gift to humanity and you must be educated.”

Iwaizumi groans and chooses to flop back onto their worn couch instead, turning the TV on and settling for _How It’s Made._ Oikawa’s probably talking, but Iwaizumi is definitely not listening; he’s learned over the course of many years when the appropriate times to nod and grunt in acknowledgment are when ignoring Oikawa’s rants. Call it a perfected gift.

At some point, Oikawa stops talking and goes into their bedroom. Five minutes pass until Oikawa emerges and hums his way into the bathroom. Iwaizumi hears the bath running, Oikawa's hums lost in the rush of water, and he watches Oikawa go back to their bedroom. Another five minutes pass which turns into seven minutes, and by the ninth minute, Iwaizumi is sure Oikawa was abducted by his beloved aliens. Although he will never admit it, Iwaizumi is curious about those stupid brightly colored and plain looking bath bombs adorning their kitchen table. When two more minutes pass with still no sign of Oikawa, Iwaizumi gently lifts himself off the couch to go investigate the bombs.

He doesn’t know the first damn thing about what a “Lush” is or bath bombs or anything of the sort, really. Iwaizumi remembers one time when Oikawa showed him a demo video on YouTube of someone dropping one of these in their tub, but that’s the extent of his information. He remembers it was all fizzly and the person recording commented about the smell or something. It made a lot of cool colors in the tub, and he’s pretty sure it was sparkly.

Some of the bath bombs on the table were sparkly like the one from the video (this was Oikawa, and again, Iwaizumi isn’t surprised), but Iwaizumi quickly pinpoints the one that smells so much like roses. It looks much simpler than the rest of them: not as flashy but still pleasant to the eye. It's a clean white in the shape of a heart with what looks like dried rose petals embedded into it. Careful in picking it up, Iwaizumi inspects it further and discovers that the scent isn't as strong as he initially thought; because Oikawa had so many of the same one in close proximity, Iwaizumi guesses it just became overpowering altogether.

Iwaizumi wants to drop it in the tub, just to see what’ll happen. Oikawa is still in the bedroom, so it should be safe.

Thankfully, the bath water is not overflowing onto the bathroom floor when Iwaizumi opens the door. He puts his free hand under the tap to make sure the water isn’t too hot or cold for Oikawa (he knows that Oikawa prefers it a bit hot to help his knee). Without giving it any further thought, Iwaizumi drops the bath bomb into the water and watches it fizzle.

From the bedroom, Oikawa is getting the rest of his bath materials when he hears a _plop_ go into the bathtub. “Oh no,” he whispers to himself and runs to the bathroom.

“Iwa-chan _NO_ _!_ ”

Iwaizumi turns around, eyebrows raised. “What?”

“What did you put in there?!”

“One of your bath things from the table. I dropped some heart soap bomb thing into the water.”

Oikawa’s face pales. “Did you drop the whole thing in?”

Iwaizumi, even more confused than he was before, replies, “Yes?”

The wail that comes out of Oikawa’s mouth is of pure distress and Iwaizumi doesn’t think he’s ever heard something like that come from him in all the years he’s known the kid. “That was at _least_ three baths worth you _heathen!_ ”

“But it’s just one bomb.”

“That’s why you _break it!_ Iwa- _chan_!”

Oikawa kneels down next to the tub, honestly close to tears, and swirls the water around. “We have to break up now, there’s no coming back from this.”

“Oh my god, can you take your freakin’ tub already you drama queen?”

Oikawa sniffles. “I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of you being single.”

Iwaizumi rolls his eyes and goes back to the couch.

Despite destroying two future baths (may the rest in pieces), Oikawa takes his time in the water and lets his skin become soft and smooth as silk. Iwaizumi dozes on the couch to NCIS, and when the time comes for them to head to bed, Oikawa is curled into Iwaizumi’s chest, face buried in the neck of his boyfriend the bath bomb murderer.

Iwaizumi won’t admit to anything ever, but falling asleep to Oikawa’s hair smelling like roses and a little bit of lemon is something he could get more than used to. He might even actually like it.

 

* * *

 

“You have to replace it” should not be the first thing Iwaizumi hears in the morning.

Iwaizumi is not a morning person; he needs a shower, three cups of coffee, breakfast, and a healthy intake of fresh air before he can even think about stringing words together in the form of coherent sentences. So when Oikawa tells him, “You have to replace it,” not only does Iwaizumi have no idea what he’s talking about, but his brain cannot connect the relationship between “have to” and “replace.”

It’s Friday morning and Oikawa and Iwaizumi both have off from school. Oikawa’s already busy getting ready for the day to run some errands, some green mask thing on his face and lotion being lathered into his legs and hands. Iwaizumi absolutely cannot muster any strength to reply in any language, so he grunts in the form of a question.

“I said you have to replace it.”

Iwaizumi grunts again, this time in a different octave. In Iwaizumi language, Oikawa knows this means, “Replace what?”

“The bath bomb you dropped in the water yesterday. Three baths, Iwa-chan. I took _one_ but it was worth _three_. You owe me two baths worth of product.”

Another groggy sound finds its way out of Iwaizumi, and it can be translated to, “Yes, fuck, okay. Whatever you want, just shut up and give me ten more minutes of peace.”

He has absolutely no idea what he’s just agreed to, but Oikawa isn't about to tell him. 

 

* * *

 

Iwaizumi has never minded shopping with Oikawa. Contrary to what most people believe (see: Matsukawa, Hanamaki, and the rest of the old team), Iwaizumi doesn’t really mind being dragged around by Oikawa in stores; he likes seeing Oikawa’s face light up with excitement when he sees things he likes in shop windows or on racks. It’s one of the few times he gets to see Oikawa look genuinely content, no worries of university matches or fatigue from late-night practices ghosting his face. Iwaizumi doesn’t mind shopping with Oikawa, because for once, Oikawa’s mind is at ease, and Iwaizumi wants to preserve it for as long as possible. 

But two hours in a Lush store is absolutely ridiculous.

Oikawa has dragged the same employee around the whole store approximately twelve times, smelling this, touching that, sampling everything he can get his hands on. Thankfully, the employee is patient and loves the products as much as Oikawa, so Iwaizumi doesn't feel too bad for her. What worries Iwaizumi the most is the steadily growing contents of Oikawa’s baset; some of the prices on these things are understandably high, but the amount of things Oikawa wants to buy is starting to hurt Iwaizumi’s wallet and they aren't even on line yet.

After the thirteenth tour of the store and another half hour, Oikawa is finally finished browsing. Of course, Iwaizumi was told he “had” to replace the bomb he so “recklessly” dropped in the tub, but to be fair, Iwaizumi _did_ take it and used it without asking (even if it _was_ Oikawa who took the bath with his own product). He feels bad for using it in a way Oikawa didn’t intend to, so he eventually agreed to replace it (even though, realistically, he didn’t have much of a choice to begin with).

“Okay, that’ll be $135.28.”

Iwaizumi gawks first at the total, then at Oikawa, who is all sunbeams and rocking feet. “Oikawa, are you _serious?_ ”

“What? I told you you had to replace the bomb with two baths worth of products. This is two baths worth.”

“This is _insane! How_ do you need all of this for only _two_ _baths?_ ”

“A lot goes into my baths Iwa-chan, I’m not a heathen like _you!_  There’s the bath bomb, the shower gels, proper shampoo to keep my hair as gorgeous as it is. There’s body lotion and oh, don’t forget the massage bars! And we can’t omit -”

“I hate you.”

“You ruined a perfectly good bath bomb, Iwa-chan. Don’t hate me, hate yourself.”

“Believe me, I’m starting to,” Iwaizumi grumbled as he reluctantly handed over his credit card to the cashier. 

Oikawa had the audacity to kiss Iwaizumi on the cheek as they exited the store with a very chipper, “Thank you, best boyfriend in the world!”

**Author's Note:**

> two hours in a lush store is not ridiculous iwachan smh. (tisty tosty is my fave bath bomb can u tell). 
> 
> part two coming soon to a theater near u!


End file.
